I recently had a young lady message me to tell me how much she enjoyed reading my blog, and how well it resonated with her, and her views/opinions/beliefs. Intrigued, I replied, and we chatted for a bit before I gave her my phone number so we could talk. She called, and we ended talking for over an hour; a wonderful conversation full of joy, freedom, happiness, and free from judgement or disdain.

The next day we were texting back and forth, and she made a joke that I didn’t care for. The joke itself wasn’t an issue, but coupled with other things from that day, it ‘turned me off’, not to her, just to things in general. A few more texts back and forth, and I could see we weren’t on the same page, so I reminded her that i’d prefer to have discussions in person, or at the least, on the phone. A few more texts, and I made a resolution that I will no longer have discussions via text with people I don’t know well.

Later in the evening, she called me, I missed the call, I called her back, she kept saying ‘hello’, but apparently couldn’t hear me, and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Instead of assuming she was jerking me around, I left it all alone, intending to let things sort themselves out while I slowed down. More texting, she asked me to call her again, so I did. We talked for a bit, and while it was a little constrained at first, we worked through the issue by first clearing up the misunderstanding, and then moving forward to other parts and pieces of the bigger issue. We finished the call with another round of terrific conversation, and a cheerful ‘goodbye’ (the talk again soon kind).

This is a clear example of the difference between ‘who is right’, and ‘what is right’. Yes, she made some assumptions, and yes, I always say, “Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups”, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong. It means she made an assumption, which led her to a place that wasn’t accurate. The fact that she took time to have a discussion with me about the whole thing, coupled with the fact that she never once made any attempt to place blame, argue, yell, throw a fit, or anything else told me that this woman is the kind of woman I like spending my time with, and a great example of the difference between Arguing ‘WHO is right?!’ and Discussion ‘WHAT is right?!’


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